Okay i decided to earn loads and loads of money when i grow up. i want my car, and a part of The World
those are real islands, mind u.. im not TT greedy.. juz a continent will do fine.. hahas.. and check out the Palm too.. hahas.. i won't mind my house on it.. too bad it's in dubai.. tts like in the Middle east.. not the happiest place to be now.. lol.. NO: 96
izzit gonna continue forever? i am feeling pretty sick already, and i'll feel more sick later in this entry.. argh, it sucks.. but, wad to do? the pain is self-inflicted. blame myself for it. im juz blabbering..
and i m NOT a shark for god sake, gimme a break..!! i wan ppl to excel more than what they can achieve, but sometimes, when my help is needed, i juz CAN'T assist, coz i DUNNO myself, and NOT coz i am a STUPID shark. now i know wads being misunderstood, but hey, i got NO authority to discuss tt. my problems are way too minute. sure, i mug.. i MUG books in Borders on saturdays in the evenings!! tt counts as mugging too?? hurhur.. sickk. hate me for tt?? ohwell.
and someone pls inform Toblerone NOT to include honey in its white chocolate bar?? the taste is clashing and it smells like medicine.. bad choice for the first time i pampered myself, alone.. haha.. NO: 95
80 episodes = 16 weeks = 4 months.. okay, for the next 4 months, i'll get so hooked by da chang jin.. damn.. but its not my fault.. its in the genes rit?? some chemicals tt is causing me to become a tv addict.. haha.. feel so much better now, all thanks to ms chok..
drafting my NO.100.. its gonna be long.. haha.. happy waiting?? a nice conclusion to end my happy days.. ok, im not sad, coz ppl still care..
I CAN'T FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOODBYE - BREAD
can't say i don't love her
still i can't pretend
that my heart is torn just knowing that i'm losing my bestfriend
if it's easier said and done
then someone tell me why
though i try,
i can't find the words to say goodbye
i could tell her that i'm sorry
hope she'll understand
she will have to do with someone else
all that we have planned
i'd rather her hear the truth
than hurt her with a lie
so i tried,
but i can't find the words to say goodbye
now i know
i have to go
there's no other way
but goodbye is not what i can bring myself to say...
if i told her "see you later"
then i might be wrong
'cause this voice inside is driving me
to find where i belong
i know i must leave her now but everytime i try,
don't know why,
but i can't find the words to say goodbye...
don't know why,
i can't find the words to say goodbye....
NO. 94
okay, im a shark? i'll sacrifice friendship and use unscrupulous means to achieve my goals. no wonder. ROAR!
okay, sharks don't roar, but do keep away from me, its for all ur own sake.. i'll close up and hide, hopefully, turning into a turtle. i shun away from reality, at least i can lead a peaceful life. haha. i thrive in solitude for 17 years, no point not continuing. lol.
omg, my brother, at primary 6, already has, believe it or not, ABS..!! ARGH!! crazy fellow.. i think he laugh all the time till he builds his muscles.. but he's really weak though, haha.. failed his napfa test? lol..
why? why am i still stuck in tt state!! move on, CHAO CHING!!
life's back on track, well almost..okay, sharks don't roar, but do keep away from me, its for all ur own sake.. i'll close up and hide, hopefully, turning into a turtle. i shun away from reality, at least i can lead a peaceful life. haha. i thrive in solitude for 17 years, no point not continuing. lol.
omg, my brother, at primary 6, already has, believe it or not, ABS..!! ARGH!! crazy fellow.. i think he laugh all the time till he builds his muscles.. but he's really weak though, haha.. failed his napfa test? lol..
why? why am i still stuck in tt state!! move on, CHAO CHING!!
missed out on SYTYCD for half an hr!! shucks.. but it's nice though.. haha.. it's more of admiration actually.. but lets not dwell into tt..
i wan to quit sch.. i wan to be a volunteer in a childcare centre!! i think if other ppl see what i do to my brother, they'll think im barbaric or smth.. actually not tt bad la.. haha.. figure of speech figure of speech... tsk.. Yes, i wan to learn the virtues of patience and tolerance.. watched 'super nanny' on central.. i think it'll do me good.. hear children whine, cry, poo, then clean up their mess everyday. if i can take tt, i can take on anything..
oh.. closing this blog when i hit 100 entries.. nows on 93.. haha.. plenty of bullshit.. dunno why u guys are reading this anyway.. contemplating on a new one, but what for?? hmmz.. maybe it'll juz have a theme or smth.. physics? cars? jokes? hur.. think abt it.
to 3 eyes:oh.. closing this blog when i hit 100 entries.. nows on 93.. haha.. plenty of bullshit.. dunno why u guys are reading this anyway.. contemplating on a new one, but what for?? hmmz.. maybe it'll juz have a theme or smth.. physics? cars? jokes? hur.. think abt it.
tiring week. seems to me tt everything can't return to normal. not me i mean. i dunno wad u want from me. not tt im particularly displeased or anything. but having a fren who talks beats losing one. after reading this, maybe u'll juz ignore it, coz this entry states clearly tt now, u r in the wrong, but being u, u won't want to admit it. dun give me tt attitude of urs. i had it MORE than anyone alr. try something new can? it's juz plain hard to explain myself and squirm my way through. maybe im in the wrong too. dun take it tt im insensitive, coz i neva will be. juz changing for the better. telling ppl stuff is good, coz then i'll inflict less hurt on myself in the future, and possibly on others.
perpetual state of ignorement is bad for health.
oh well, all these makes my upcoming week more unpredictable and trecherous. but at least there's So u think U can DANCE to look 4ward to..
tts the route i ran today.. looks long, but it was really really great.. haha.. all the way from yewtee, cck, and all the lrt stations leading to segar(tts my home, btw).. conquered them all.. hahas.. 6.6km in 45 mins.. haha!! really shiok.. nv run so far before.. everyone should try..
people say running is painful.. i see it as a pain relief
the car speaks for itself..
Another day in the bookstore, another day lazing in the corner finishing one book.. this time, its 'Does anything eat wasp?'.. haha.. my kind of book.. totally enjoyed reading those kind of books.. anw, found something really ridiculous about light bulbs being dark suckers.. haha.. pretty lame..
okay, i owe all of u an apology. i am sorry if i have been hiding some things, but the fact is that sometimes, i juz want to be left alone. i want to work out my personal stuff in a stress-free environment. of course, a word of thanks to 3 people, who had been there to encourage me whenever i thought of giving up. i have been giving u 3 ppl quite some problems, but u all juz took them in ur stride and helped me the best u could. a big thank you.
i choose to tell u all now, because there is no point of hiding anymore. sorry i took so long to tell u all. everyone's been telling me repeatedly why am i so gloomy these past few weeks. it's been hard on u all, coz i noe when i feel down, somehow ppl around me will get infected too.. i but i've really tried to conceal what i usually think. the fact tt i can't even control myself tells u how deeply in trouble i m getting myself in, a path tt i can never turn back..
X, a reply to ur letter dated 12th march:
i don't believe that anybody
feels the way i do
about you now
ok, i accept the fact that you and i can never be together. i sort of knew it was coming, but typical of me, i didn't wan to accept the obvious clues lying in front of me.
courtesy of A, i got the glimmer of hope that u think we can be together. at that point, to tell the truth, i was even more confused than ever. i used to do things at my own pace, but at that moment, it seems to me that i must do something drastic, something big enough to wow ur heart away. so i start to rush into things, sometimes trying so hard, i wonder why i did it in the first place.
love is mutual. love cannot be pushed or pulled(physics students will understand). it took me a while to fully comprehend the importance of it. i always believed the most sincere of actions can melt even the coldest heart. maybe it's still does, just that im not sincere enough.
i could sense it when slowly, there was less and less connection between u and me. i thot tt maybe communications can be better if we hanged out more, but it proves otherwise. while we were in ECT, and when there were friction between u and B, i had the best conversations of my life, and i thot i knew u as if i was part of the family. well, it turned out to be just an illusion.
people makes choices all the time. i do, and u too. the things that i did were never considered sacrifices for me. thinking back, i never regretted the things that i have done for u, and i never will. instead, i will remember the good times we had together. well, u had just made a choice, and i cannot deny it makes me sad, but life still goes on for both of us.
i realised that i thought tt i cared alot for ur feelings, but actually they are what i think u would think. ppl say they can't comprehend what is in your mind, but i always thot i had the answer. maybe there is still a long way before i can fully comprehend what other people are actually thinking. if u can find that special someone in the future, who can understand u, and whom u can spill everything out, its fate, because these people are rare to come by. sometimes, its good enough to settle for someone who is not ur perfect match, and by that, i am not meaning myself. i am referring to other people who will appear in ur life in the future. give these people a higher chance. by doing that, you are giving yourself a chance too.
okay, this is it. i m closing this chapter of my life to an end. a brand new page begins. although, i will remember the experience again, i will remind myself that life is like a book. i can't throw it away just because of a bad chapter. life goes on, and so does the page count. they say the climax is always at the end, and im eagerly awaiting it to come. 3 bad chapters, means that i'll treasure the climax even more, make sense?
end
cc
love
it all started as pure friendship,
nothing more, maybe less.
but soom the boy developed a crush,
and crush soon turns to infatuation, then transform into love.
now, the other party is enjoying life,
when she suddenly recieved the shock of her life.
she did not know how to react,
because it was going to be her first time.
while the boy tries all means to win her heart,
she was plain confused, and a little scared.
the girl said, these kind of things cannot be forced.
but he juz gave a shrug, as if nothing ever mattered.
but deep down in his heart, he knew it was true,
these kind of things cannot be forced.
how the boy yearned, how the boy wished,
that somehow, the little things he did will touch her heart.
the boy's life has since became a mess, and he doubt she is happy too.
this was not what the boy wished for,
that both parties will be troubled
but life must go on, and so he waited.
for he is someone different, someone who believes in fairytales.
reality strikes, but he took it in his stride,
somehow or rather.
now, he must face the toughest test yet,
to revert back to his usual self.
how he does it, he'll rather do it alone,
because only he knows it best.
hint.hint.
i choose to tell u all now, because there is no point of hiding anymore. sorry i took so long to tell u all. everyone's been telling me repeatedly why am i so gloomy these past few weeks. it's been hard on u all, coz i noe when i feel down, somehow ppl around me will get infected too.. i but i've really tried to conceal what i usually think. the fact tt i can't even control myself tells u how deeply in trouble i m getting myself in, a path tt i can never turn back..
X, a reply to ur letter dated 12th march:
i don't believe that anybody
feels the way i do
about you now
ok, i accept the fact that you and i can never be together. i sort of knew it was coming, but typical of me, i didn't wan to accept the obvious clues lying in front of me.
courtesy of A, i got the glimmer of hope that u think we can be together. at that point, to tell the truth, i was even more confused than ever. i used to do things at my own pace, but at that moment, it seems to me that i must do something drastic, something big enough to wow ur heart away. so i start to rush into things, sometimes trying so hard, i wonder why i did it in the first place.
love is mutual. love cannot be pushed or pulled(physics students will understand). it took me a while to fully comprehend the importance of it. i always believed the most sincere of actions can melt even the coldest heart. maybe it's still does, just that im not sincere enough.
i could sense it when slowly, there was less and less connection between u and me. i thot tt maybe communications can be better if we hanged out more, but it proves otherwise. while we were in ECT, and when there were friction between u and B, i had the best conversations of my life, and i thot i knew u as if i was part of the family. well, it turned out to be just an illusion.
people makes choices all the time. i do, and u too. the things that i did were never considered sacrifices for me. thinking back, i never regretted the things that i have done for u, and i never will. instead, i will remember the good times we had together. well, u had just made a choice, and i cannot deny it makes me sad, but life still goes on for both of us.
i realised that i thought tt i cared alot for ur feelings, but actually they are what i think u would think. ppl say they can't comprehend what is in your mind, but i always thot i had the answer. maybe there is still a long way before i can fully comprehend what other people are actually thinking. if u can find that special someone in the future, who can understand u, and whom u can spill everything out, its fate, because these people are rare to come by. sometimes, its good enough to settle for someone who is not ur perfect match, and by that, i am not meaning myself. i am referring to other people who will appear in ur life in the future. give these people a higher chance. by doing that, you are giving yourself a chance too.
okay, this is it. i m closing this chapter of my life to an end. a brand new page begins. although, i will remember the experience again, i will remind myself that life is like a book. i can't throw it away just because of a bad chapter. life goes on, and so does the page count. they say the climax is always at the end, and im eagerly awaiting it to come. 3 bad chapters, means that i'll treasure the climax even more, make sense?
end
cc
love
it all started as pure friendship,
nothing more, maybe less.
but soom the boy developed a crush,
and crush soon turns to infatuation, then transform into love.
now, the other party is enjoying life,
when she suddenly recieved the shock of her life.
she did not know how to react,
because it was going to be her first time.
while the boy tries all means to win her heart,
she was plain confused, and a little scared.
the girl said, these kind of things cannot be forced.
but he juz gave a shrug, as if nothing ever mattered.
but deep down in his heart, he knew it was true,
these kind of things cannot be forced.
how the boy yearned, how the boy wished,
that somehow, the little things he did will touch her heart.
the boy's life has since became a mess, and he doubt she is happy too.
this was not what the boy wished for,
that both parties will be troubled
but life must go on, and so he waited.
for he is someone different, someone who believes in fairytales.
reality strikes, but he took it in his stride,
somehow or rather.
now, he must face the toughest test yet,
to revert back to his usual self.
how he does it, he'll rather do it alone,
because only he knows it best.
hint.hint.
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at cmabrigde uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm
Problematic facts of life:
You think of 10 important things to remember just as you are falling asleep. now that u have remembered, you know very well that if u leave them, u'll forget them.. So u force urself awake, crawl out of ur bed, hunt for a pen and paper and scratch them down, only to find out u remembered everything perfectly the next day.
Sometimes, you wake up two mins before the alarm goes off, you'll say, "well done, i have two mins to spare for a quick snooze, u switch off the alarm, and the next thing u know, ur mum screams at u for being 2hrs late"
Between 1 room and the next, the memory is wiped..
U are working on some arty-crafty project in the living room, when suddenly u nid 1 little thing from another room. u go into the room, stops suddenly and stand there thinking, 'why am i here?'
once u hear a new word, u keep on hearing it
the only tunes tt u can't get out of ur head are the ones u shouldn't have let in(same with people)
when at last you have to ask the shopping assistant where is the object u want, u suddenly find them in ur sight
u juz threw away a heavy, ugly and useless thing, and suddenly u nid it urgently the next day
absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, just as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire
'first impression count! Buy it' usually overrides 'you can't tell the book by its cover'
On the evening of the big date,...
- a pimple appears in the middle of ur nose
- however hard u comb, one hair always sticks up
you thing of the right thing to say just after u and ur partner parts(how true)
objects behave better when u shout at(or physically abuse) them(think lifts and, er people??)
any situation demanding ur undivided attention occurs simultaneously with a compelling distraction(think CTs and uh, nvm..)
nothing works when people watch
ur queue is always the slowest(and when u switch queue, the previous queue becomes the fastest)
any tool(or coins, especially of the larger denominations) when dropped, will roll into the least accessible places(under the vending machine, at the feet of the opposite gender)
cornflakes bags don't fit back into the box once u have taken the whole thing out.
-ew ar braykin ma hart, sdop eid
Problematic facts of life:
You think of 10 important things to remember just as you are falling asleep. now that u have remembered, you know very well that if u leave them, u'll forget them.. So u force urself awake, crawl out of ur bed, hunt for a pen and paper and scratch them down, only to find out u remembered everything perfectly the next day.
Sometimes, you wake up two mins before the alarm goes off, you'll say, "well done, i have two mins to spare for a quick snooze, u switch off the alarm, and the next thing u know, ur mum screams at u for being 2hrs late"
Between 1 room and the next, the memory is wiped..
U are working on some arty-crafty project in the living room, when suddenly u nid 1 little thing from another room. u go into the room, stops suddenly and stand there thinking, 'why am i here?'
once u hear a new word, u keep on hearing it
the only tunes tt u can't get out of ur head are the ones u shouldn't have let in(same with people)
when at last you have to ask the shopping assistant where is the object u want, u suddenly find them in ur sight
u juz threw away a heavy, ugly and useless thing, and suddenly u nid it urgently the next day
absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, just as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire
'first impression count! Buy it' usually overrides 'you can't tell the book by its cover'
On the evening of the big date,...
- a pimple appears in the middle of ur nose
- however hard u comb, one hair always sticks up
you thing of the right thing to say just after u and ur partner parts(how true)
objects behave better when u shout at(or physically abuse) them(think lifts and, er people??)
any situation demanding ur undivided attention occurs simultaneously with a compelling distraction(think CTs and uh, nvm..)
nothing works when people watch
ur queue is always the slowest(and when u switch queue, the previous queue becomes the fastest)
any tool(or coins, especially of the larger denominations) when dropped, will roll into the least accessible places(under the vending machine, at the feet of the opposite gender)
cornflakes bags don't fit back into the box once u have taken the whole thing out.
-ew ar braykin ma hart, sdop eid
Turn around, Look at me - The Vogues
There is someone walking behind you,
Turn around, look at me.
There is someone watching your footsteps,
Turn around, look at me
There is someone who really needs you,
Here's my heart in my hand.
Turn around, (turn around), look at me, (look at me,)
Understand,understand,
That there's someone who'll stand beside you.
Turn around, look at me.
And there's someone who'll love and guide you.
Turn around, look at me.
I've waited, but I'll wait forever for you to come to me.
Look at someone (look at someone)
Who really loves you, yeah, really loves you.
Turn around, look at me.
-from the movie Final Destination 3
I want to be a pianist, to let my hands fly on the keys even when i am starving, at least the love for music never dies.
Heard this quote in the pianist, thought it was pretty familiar, then i rmb, it was in the merchant of venice
If you prick us do we not bleed?
If you tickle us do we not laugh?
If you poison us do we not die?
And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
tmr is the big day. i am so scared. result will be out, i guess.. im so not fully prepared to face it. how am i to face up to myself if i got a F9?
Paid $8.00 to watch happy tree friends on the big screen.. hahah.. but at least it wasn't a total disappointment.. i was running out of ideas of how i should die if i have the choice.. definitely not tanning though, or getting pumped nails into ur head..
dunno why my mask-for-all-occasion didn't work today.. whole day ppl ask me 'are you alrit?' bleah.. are ppl suppose to feel alright all the time?? well, i dunno.. if i had, i won't be needing a mask everyday in the first place.. okay.. crapping..
im too irritating.. i need to give space. i forgot tt all matter occupies space.
I have an oil lamp here.. and i want to guide u home.. can i? even though im just a oil seller
and its a 'no' here too.. and i must be a real joker to let ppl think im not serious at EVERYTHING.. rarr..
patient profile
x chaoching ;
aka grassjelly|hyperboy|lamer
x Male
x 25august1988
x greenridgean ; josephian
x cjc 1t24
medical history
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
ward-mates
taggie
credits
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