okay, i owe all of u an apology. i am sorry if i have been hiding some things, but the fact is that sometimes, i juz want to be left alone. i want to work out my personal stuff in a stress-free environment. of course, a word of thanks to 3 people, who had been there to encourage me whenever i thought of giving up. i have been giving u 3 ppl quite some problems, but u all juz took them in ur stride and helped me the best u could. a big thank you.
i choose to tell u all now, because there is no point of hiding anymore. sorry i took so long to tell u all. everyone's been telling me repeatedly why am i so gloomy these past few weeks. it's been hard on u all, coz i noe when i feel down, somehow ppl around me will get infected too.. i but i've really tried to conceal what i usually think. the fact tt i can't even control myself tells u how deeply in trouble i m getting myself in, a path tt i can never turn back..
X, a reply to ur letter dated 12th march:
i don't believe that anybody
feels the way i do
about you now
ok, i accept the fact that you and i can never be together. i sort of knew it was coming, but typical of me, i didn't wan to accept the obvious clues lying in front of me.
courtesy of A, i got the glimmer of hope that u think we can be together. at that point, to tell the truth, i was even more confused than ever. i used to do things at my own pace, but at that moment, it seems to me that i must do something drastic, something big enough to wow ur heart away. so i start to rush into things, sometimes trying so hard, i wonder why i did it in the first place.
love is mutual. love cannot be pushed or pulled(physics students will understand). it took me a while to fully comprehend the importance of it. i always believed the most sincere of actions can melt even the coldest heart. maybe it's still does, just that im not sincere enough.
i could sense it when slowly, there was less and less connection between u and me. i thot tt maybe communications can be better if we hanged out more, but it proves otherwise. while we were in ECT, and when there were friction between u and B, i had the best conversations of my life, and i thot i knew u as if i was part of the family. well, it turned out to be just an illusion.
people makes choices all the time. i do, and u too. the things that i did were never considered sacrifices for me. thinking back, i never regretted the things that i have done for u, and i never will. instead, i will remember the good times we had together. well, u had just made a choice, and i cannot deny it makes me sad, but life still goes on for both of us.
i realised that i thought tt i cared alot for ur feelings, but actually they are what i think u would think. ppl say they can't comprehend what is in your mind, but i always thot i had the answer. maybe there is still a long way before i can fully comprehend what other people are actually thinking. if u can find that special someone in the future, who can understand u, and whom u can spill everything out, its fate, because these people are rare to come by. sometimes, its good enough to settle for someone who is not ur perfect match, and by that, i am not meaning myself. i am referring to other people who will appear in ur life in the future. give these people a higher chance. by doing that, you are giving yourself a chance too.
okay, this is it. i m closing this chapter of my life to an end. a brand new page begins. although, i will remember the experience again, i will remind myself that life is like a book. i can't throw it away just because of a bad chapter. life goes on, and so does the page count. they say the climax is always at the end, and im eagerly awaiting it to come. 3 bad chapters, means that i'll treasure the climax even more, make sense?
end
cc
love
it all started as pure friendship,
nothing more, maybe less.
but soom the boy developed a crush,
and crush soon turns to infatuation, then transform into love.
now, the other party is enjoying life,
when she suddenly recieved the shock of her life.
she did not know how to react,
because it was going to be her first time.
while the boy tries all means to win her heart,
she was plain confused, and a little scared.
the girl said, these kind of things cannot be forced.
but he juz gave a shrug, as if nothing ever mattered.
but deep down in his heart, he knew it was true,
these kind of things cannot be forced.
how the boy yearned, how the boy wished,
that somehow, the little things he did will touch her heart.
the boy's life has since became a mess, and he doubt she is happy too.
this was not what the boy wished for,
that both parties will be troubled
but life must go on, and so he waited.
for he is someone different, someone who believes in fairytales.
reality strikes, but he took it in his stride,
somehow or rather.
now, he must face the toughest test yet,
to revert back to his usual self.
how he does it, he'll rather do it alone,
because only he knows it best.
hint.hint.
i choose to tell u all now, because there is no point of hiding anymore. sorry i took so long to tell u all. everyone's been telling me repeatedly why am i so gloomy these past few weeks. it's been hard on u all, coz i noe when i feel down, somehow ppl around me will get infected too.. i but i've really tried to conceal what i usually think. the fact tt i can't even control myself tells u how deeply in trouble i m getting myself in, a path tt i can never turn back..
X, a reply to ur letter dated 12th march:
i don't believe that anybody
feels the way i do
about you now
ok, i accept the fact that you and i can never be together. i sort of knew it was coming, but typical of me, i didn't wan to accept the obvious clues lying in front of me.
courtesy of A, i got the glimmer of hope that u think we can be together. at that point, to tell the truth, i was even more confused than ever. i used to do things at my own pace, but at that moment, it seems to me that i must do something drastic, something big enough to wow ur heart away. so i start to rush into things, sometimes trying so hard, i wonder why i did it in the first place.
love is mutual. love cannot be pushed or pulled(physics students will understand). it took me a while to fully comprehend the importance of it. i always believed the most sincere of actions can melt even the coldest heart. maybe it's still does, just that im not sincere enough.
i could sense it when slowly, there was less and less connection between u and me. i thot tt maybe communications can be better if we hanged out more, but it proves otherwise. while we were in ECT, and when there were friction between u and B, i had the best conversations of my life, and i thot i knew u as if i was part of the family. well, it turned out to be just an illusion.
people makes choices all the time. i do, and u too. the things that i did were never considered sacrifices for me. thinking back, i never regretted the things that i have done for u, and i never will. instead, i will remember the good times we had together. well, u had just made a choice, and i cannot deny it makes me sad, but life still goes on for both of us.
i realised that i thought tt i cared alot for ur feelings, but actually they are what i think u would think. ppl say they can't comprehend what is in your mind, but i always thot i had the answer. maybe there is still a long way before i can fully comprehend what other people are actually thinking. if u can find that special someone in the future, who can understand u, and whom u can spill everything out, its fate, because these people are rare to come by. sometimes, its good enough to settle for someone who is not ur perfect match, and by that, i am not meaning myself. i am referring to other people who will appear in ur life in the future. give these people a higher chance. by doing that, you are giving yourself a chance too.
okay, this is it. i m closing this chapter of my life to an end. a brand new page begins. although, i will remember the experience again, i will remind myself that life is like a book. i can't throw it away just because of a bad chapter. life goes on, and so does the page count. they say the climax is always at the end, and im eagerly awaiting it to come. 3 bad chapters, means that i'll treasure the climax even more, make sense?
end
cc
love
it all started as pure friendship,
nothing more, maybe less.
but soom the boy developed a crush,
and crush soon turns to infatuation, then transform into love.
now, the other party is enjoying life,
when she suddenly recieved the shock of her life.
she did not know how to react,
because it was going to be her first time.
while the boy tries all means to win her heart,
she was plain confused, and a little scared.
the girl said, these kind of things cannot be forced.
but he juz gave a shrug, as if nothing ever mattered.
but deep down in his heart, he knew it was true,
these kind of things cannot be forced.
how the boy yearned, how the boy wished,
that somehow, the little things he did will touch her heart.
the boy's life has since became a mess, and he doubt she is happy too.
this was not what the boy wished for,
that both parties will be troubled
but life must go on, and so he waited.
for he is someone different, someone who believes in fairytales.
reality strikes, but he took it in his stride,
somehow or rather.
now, he must face the toughest test yet,
to revert back to his usual self.
how he does it, he'll rather do it alone,
because only he knows it best.
hint.hint.
patient profile
x chaoching ;
aka grassjelly|hyperboy|lamer
x Male
x 25august1988
x greenridgean ; josephian
x cjc 1t24
medical history
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
ward-mates
taggie
credits
Found at: blogskins
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original layout
araglas